If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
