you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
