Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
