This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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