I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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