I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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