Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
