ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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