I wanna passion pit in your ass
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
