I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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