So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
