after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
