I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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