I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
