last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
