My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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