a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
