you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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