My first STD was from a foam party
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
