I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wear drunk well.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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