things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
