Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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