Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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