I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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