Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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