Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
