ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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