I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
