he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Terrible idea I love it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
