Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
