I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
