When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
