I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
