im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
