I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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