weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
