do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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