I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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