I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
