my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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