He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize