dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
