No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
