i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
