The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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