he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
