Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
