god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
