i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
