I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Randomize
