What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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