Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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