I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
