just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
