why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
