i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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