It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize