If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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