We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
