That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
