Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
