I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
