She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
