i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
