if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
