actually, I'm a sock model
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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